Something fishy...

Food and I have an interesting relationship.  I love to cook and bake, but I don't like to eat.  I like trying new recipes, but I don't like to eat.  I'm one of those eat-to-live people.  But I also get bored with food very easily and quickly.  So, I love finding new foods on Pintrest, though I rarely follow a recipe.  Instead, I'll use what I find as inspiration and end up creating something completely different than the original instructions.  Unfortunately, as I was lamenting to my husband recently, the recipes I find on Pintrest are few and far between because so many call for processed foods that we don't eat.

"It's so hard to find good, healthy, from-scratch recipes.  I can look on Pintrest for 20 minutes and not find a single recipe that I would want to eat."

My sweet Hubby then recommended that I just publish my own recipes.

And so, without further ado, I give you...


Lemon Rosemary Salmon

1 sprig fresh rosemary
Juice from 1 lemon
3 cloves garlic, sliced
1/4 cup Olive oil
Salt and pepper
3 servings of salmon, 3-6oz each

Mince rosemary and garlic cloves.  Combine with olive oil, lemon juice, salt, and pepper.  Pour over top of salmon and let rest for 5-10 minutes, flipping salmon once so both sides become seasoned.

Heat some olive oil in a nonstick pan over medium heat.  When the pan is hot, add the salmon.  Pour the remaining marinade on top of the salmon.  Cook approximately 5 minutes, then flip and cook another 3 minutes.  Occasionally spoon some of the juices/marinade on top of the salmon.

Serve over pearled barley and steamed broccoli for a complete "clean eating" meal.

A glass of wine or dark beer would not hurt either...

What do you think?

Getting there

Within a week of starting an antidepressant and thyroid medication, I was ecstatic to discover I was back to my old self.  I could finally go a whole day without having to lie down due to exhaustion.  My brain came back!  I could critically think again, put full sentences together, and have complete thoughts!  I wanted to do things I used to enjoy, like run or knit or bake something new. 

And then, it hit again.  One Saturday, I stopped functioning.  The brain fog came back, I could barely find the energy to move, and all I wanted to do was sleep.  Around 2pm, I finally started feeling better.  But it made me realize that there is no magic or instant fix.  There will be good days, and there will still be bad days.  On the good days, I will enjoy spending time with my two boys.  On the bad days, I will not feel guilty for sleeping or asking for help. 

If I could offer one piece of advice to new moms, it's this:  Monitor yourself, and don't be afraid to ask for help.  Yes, exhaustion is a part of being a new mom.  But it should get better.  You may feel unhappy or just not yourself, but it should get better.  If it doesn't, please don't be afraid to ask for help or talk with your doctor.  When you start losing more and more enjoyment in life or feel like you are just trying to survive the next 12 hours before you can sleep again to escape, something has to give.  This life is too short, too unpredictable to just survive each day. 

Live your life.  Cherish each moment.  Recognize that you aren't made to do it all on your own.  Ask for help.

Coming Out

Depression.

I feel like there have been times in my life where I've danced around the edges of depression.  It runs heavily in my family history, so it's not all that surprising.  But, I've always managed.  I talk it out, I run, I manage.  I might feel glum for a day or two, but I always snap back.

Not anymore.

Overwhelm.
Overwhelmed.
Overwhelming.

In the last 3 weeks, I have experienced this word to it's fullest extent.  My house is not clean.  I cannot focus on my school work.  I want to run away and curl up in a tight ball to go to sleep all at the same time.  Bath time for just one kid or even thinking about what's for dinner requires a huge effort on my part.  My brain feels like it has taken a vacation for the last few days, to the point that the words coming out of my mouth do not even make sense.  And I'm convinced you can't truly appreciate exhaustion until you are a mother. 

I've tried counseling, I've been running 2-3 days per week, I (occasionally) do yoga/meditation/deep breathing exercises, I pray, I talk with Hubby, and I socialize with friends.  I might get a "break" in the day by hanging out with fellow mommies, but the blues return full force once I pack up the kids in the car.  Instead of getting better, I'm getting worse.

It's not like there aren't enough stressors in my life right now.  I'm in the last 4 weeks of my last nursing class (to earn my BSN), Hubby has been gone Monday through Friday, family stresses, my insomnia is getting worse, and Baby Thunder has been waking up twice a night. 

So today, I have resorted to the last weapon I can think of to combat this Deep Depression - medication.  I pray it will be enough to get me through this transition and back on the upswing of things.  I'm ready to feel happy.  To truly smile.  To stop just surviving each day and actually start enjoying spending this time I have with my little ones.