Something about only getting 3 1/2 hours of continuous sleep does weird things for your outlook on life.
Last night was definitely the worst pregnancy-sleep night to date. I was able to sleep soundly from around 10pm until 1:45am. After that, it went downhill. Sleep did not find me until well after 3am, I tossed and turned between 4am and 5am, and I woke up around 6:30 with the sinking realization that I would not be going back to sleep.
Last pregnancy, this night would have crushed my soul. But for some reason, I simply accepted my fate of inevitable fatigue for the day. This is a race simulation training day: If I can handle a 2 year old with errands/doctor's offices during nap/quiet time on 4 hours of sleep, I can survive sleepless nights with an infant.
One thought repeated itself in my head this morning during my shower: "This is the day that the Lord has made; I will rejoice and be glad in it." For today, for right now, I accept that I am still pregnant - and may remain pregnant for several more weeks. And that's okay. That sentiment may change tomorrow. But for today, I will try to rejoice in the day that the Lord has made, trust in His timing, and rely on His daily mercies.
Thank goodness one of those mercies include coffee! :)
Friday, August 22, 2014
Thursday, August 21, 2014
The 5 stages of Full-Term Pregnancy
Hello, Full-Term August! :) That's right. As of today, Baby Thunder has been in utero 38 weeks.
And I am done.
For me, the end of this pregnancy feels similar to the five stages of grief: As I entered weeks 35-37, I was in complete denial (stage 1). The fact that I could go into labor at any time and the doctors wouldn't try to stop it did not motivate me to even consider packing a hospital bag... Despite the fact that I started progressing at 35 weeks! Anger is Stage 2, and I am occasionally reverting back to this stage. Last week, when I found out that I was a lot farther along than I thought (or planned), my OB told me to try and enjoy these last few weeks. Excuse me??!!? I spend half my days exhausted and nauseated and my 2 year old has decided that no matter how tired he is, he just isn't tired enough to go to sleep at nap time. Which means he acts out a whole lot more than usual (more screaming tantrums, blatant disobedience, attempting to hit or kick me, more attempts at deception), and I am not exactly moving in top form these days. Contractions are getting more painful, and I'm easily irritated. Exactly how am I supposed to enjoy this stage??? Stage 3 is bargaining. This is where everyone who has ever been pregnant comes in. "Well, maybe if you walk a lot, the baby will come this weekend!" So I try it, with no results except my rings become uncomfortably tight. Red raspberry leaf tea? I drink a quart of it a day. Yoga? Well, that does help my mood, so I keep at it every Monday morning. :) Stage 4 - depression - is where I find myself most days. To be so close to the end, and yet feel so far away, is very discouraging. Yes, I do feel that I am going to be pregnant f.o.r.e.v.e.r! And nothing seems to help make that nagging, overwhelming suspicion any better.
I'm still waiting to approach Stage 5 - acceptance. This stage is achievable at the end of pregnancy. On June 8, 2012, I sent my mom a text message that said, "I'm convinced - labor is a myth." Cole was born less than 24 hours later. I'm not really sure if or when I will reach this stage, but I will continue to practice my yoga breathing and mindset that this is where my body is right now - and that's okay.
This too shall pass... at some point.
In the mean time, my freezer is fully stocked with everything I think the future, postpartum, nursing Caty could need or want. I've said "farewell until December" to nearly all of my patients. My house is quite clean, the laundry is entirely caught up, and yes, my hospital bag is packed (much to the relief of some of my coworkers). :) Hopefully my OB can convince me tomorrow that the end is indeed within sight. :)
And I am done.
For me, the end of this pregnancy feels similar to the five stages of grief: As I entered weeks 35-37, I was in complete denial (stage 1). The fact that I could go into labor at any time and the doctors wouldn't try to stop it did not motivate me to even consider packing a hospital bag... Despite the fact that I started progressing at 35 weeks! Anger is Stage 2, and I am occasionally reverting back to this stage. Last week, when I found out that I was a lot farther along than I thought (or planned), my OB told me to try and enjoy these last few weeks. Excuse me??!!? I spend half my days exhausted and nauseated and my 2 year old has decided that no matter how tired he is, he just isn't tired enough to go to sleep at nap time. Which means he acts out a whole lot more than usual (more screaming tantrums, blatant disobedience, attempting to hit or kick me, more attempts at deception), and I am not exactly moving in top form these days. Contractions are getting more painful, and I'm easily irritated. Exactly how am I supposed to enjoy this stage??? Stage 3 is bargaining. This is where everyone who has ever been pregnant comes in. "Well, maybe if you walk a lot, the baby will come this weekend!" So I try it, with no results except my rings become uncomfortably tight. Red raspberry leaf tea? I drink a quart of it a day. Yoga? Well, that does help my mood, so I keep at it every Monday morning. :) Stage 4 - depression - is where I find myself most days. To be so close to the end, and yet feel so far away, is very discouraging. Yes, I do feel that I am going to be pregnant f.o.r.e.v.e.r! And nothing seems to help make that nagging, overwhelming suspicion any better.
I'm still waiting to approach Stage 5 - acceptance. This stage is achievable at the end of pregnancy. On June 8, 2012, I sent my mom a text message that said, "I'm convinced - labor is a myth." Cole was born less than 24 hours later. I'm not really sure if or when I will reach this stage, but I will continue to practice my yoga breathing and mindset that this is where my body is right now - and that's okay.
This too shall pass... at some point.
In the mean time, my freezer is fully stocked with everything I think the future, postpartum, nursing Caty could need or want. I've said "farewell until December" to nearly all of my patients. My house is quite clean, the laundry is entirely caught up, and yes, my hospital bag is packed (much to the relief of some of my coworkers). :) Hopefully my OB can convince me tomorrow that the end is indeed within sight. :)
Thursday, July 24, 2014
Baby Bump update and Life
Hello, 34 weeks! Hard to believe that Baby Thunder will be considered full term in less than a month. I still feel like I have such a long ways to go... Maybe that is the denial talking?
Yup, definitely still in denial... Since Little Man transitioned to his big boy bed *happy dance!*, that means I now have full access to Baby Thunder's room during nap time. Assuming I'm not the one napping... :) My project this weekend (assuming I'm not in another energy crisis) will be to "finish" Baby Thunder's room and figure out if there is anything else we need.
Speaking of 34 weeks, here is how the baby bump is looking:
Total weight gain: According to my "I'm Expecting" app, I've gained 25 pounds total thus far. Woo-hoo! With my first pregnancy, I gained a little over 50!
Gender: Still a boy! We've started telling the ultrasound techs that yes, we know it's a boy, and we would really not have any more pictures proving that fact! ;)
Movement: I think the fact that I've been so active this pregnancy has translated to him being just as active! Though he always likes to play with my internal organs right when I'm exhausted and trying to get to sleep. Speaking of which...
Sleep: It doesn't seem to matter how much or how well I sleep - I'm always tired! It takes me a while to find a comfortable position (especially when Baby Thunder is trying to play soccer with my kidneys), but I have been able to stay asleep once I get there.
What I miss: Running! Our family went for a walk on Tuesday, and since Little Man was losing it, I asked him to run with me (it usually works). I ran for several yards, then ran back, and my lower pelvis has hurt so bad since then that I will probably not try that again until after Baby Thunder comes... I do also miss being able to have a glass of wine in the evenings.
Cravings: To go for a nice, long run...
Symptoms: Sciatica! It's been getting worse this past week. Fatigue, leg cramps, Braxton Hicks... the usual 3rd trimester fun stuff!
Maternity clothes: Mostly! However, I can still fit in my Adidas shorts and a few race shirts that were kinda big for my pre-pregnant self. :) I love me some technical shirts! Remember that half marathon I ran in May? Well, I got a Small race shirt, and I still fit in it! :)
Best moment this week: Going to a yoga class for the first time in a very long time! :)
I'll talk more about the yoga tomorrow...
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| Still surrounded by boxes |
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| Proof that Little Man still takes naps! |
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| Baby Bump update |
Total weight gain: According to my "I'm Expecting" app, I've gained 25 pounds total thus far. Woo-hoo! With my first pregnancy, I gained a little over 50!
Gender: Still a boy! We've started telling the ultrasound techs that yes, we know it's a boy, and we would really not have any more pictures proving that fact! ;)
Movement: I think the fact that I've been so active this pregnancy has translated to him being just as active! Though he always likes to play with my internal organs right when I'm exhausted and trying to get to sleep. Speaking of which...
Sleep: It doesn't seem to matter how much or how well I sleep - I'm always tired! It takes me a while to find a comfortable position (especially when Baby Thunder is trying to play soccer with my kidneys), but I have been able to stay asleep once I get there.
What I miss: Running! Our family went for a walk on Tuesday, and since Little Man was losing it, I asked him to run with me (it usually works). I ran for several yards, then ran back, and my lower pelvis has hurt so bad since then that I will probably not try that again until after Baby Thunder comes... I do also miss being able to have a glass of wine in the evenings.
Cravings: To go for a nice, long run...
Symptoms: Sciatica! It's been getting worse this past week. Fatigue, leg cramps, Braxton Hicks... the usual 3rd trimester fun stuff!
Maternity clothes: Mostly! However, I can still fit in my Adidas shorts and a few race shirts that were kinda big for my pre-pregnant self. :) I love me some technical shirts! Remember that half marathon I ran in May? Well, I got a Small race shirt, and I still fit in it! :)
Best moment this week: Going to a yoga class for the first time in a very long time! :)
I'll talk more about the yoga tomorrow...
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
A Mother's Joy
The heart of a home is the kitchen.
This was certainly true in my life. As one of the oldest children in a family of eight kids, I spent a great deal of time helping Mom prep, bake, and cook meals. By the time I was 14, I could easily make an entire dinner for all ten of us in a timely fashion. Many of my fondest memories were in the kitchen.
I love all things cooking. The kitchen is easily my favorite room in the whole house. There is a reason my living room is still only half unpacked one week after moving in, whereas my kitchen was fully functional within 24 hours. :)
Food is such a challenging topic in our culture today. For several people, it is an addiction. Some see food as fuel; others see it as a form of art. It can bring families together, be the means of showing hospitality to friends and strangers, and fulfill a basic need.
As such, it is my intention to teach my children - especially my boys - how to cook. I want to teach them how to pick healthy snacks, the importance of cleaning up after yourself, and how cook one or two meals well. But most importantly, I want to form memories with them.
By the looks of it, I'm well on my way.
This was certainly true in my life. As one of the oldest children in a family of eight kids, I spent a great deal of time helping Mom prep, bake, and cook meals. By the time I was 14, I could easily make an entire dinner for all ten of us in a timely fashion. Many of my fondest memories were in the kitchen.
I love all things cooking. The kitchen is easily my favorite room in the whole house. There is a reason my living room is still only half unpacked one week after moving in, whereas my kitchen was fully functional within 24 hours. :)
Food is such a challenging topic in our culture today. For several people, it is an addiction. Some see food as fuel; others see it as a form of art. It can bring families together, be the means of showing hospitality to friends and strangers, and fulfill a basic need.
As such, it is my intention to teach my children - especially my boys - how to cook. I want to teach them how to pick healthy snacks, the importance of cleaning up after yourself, and how cook one or two meals well. But most importantly, I want to form memories with them.
By the looks of it, I'm well on my way.
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| Learning to "wash dishes" aka playing in bubbles |
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| Learning colors and numbers with muffin cup liners |
So grateful to finally have a kitchen where the two of us fit and can learn together! Little Man played in the kitchen sink for the first time today, learning to "wash dishes" aka play in bubbles. And he accurately identified the muffin liner colors, and we started learning how to count to 12. :)
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
Food for (yummy) thought
Question of the day: What do you do with leftover rice??
Make rice pudding? Eat it with whatever else you cooked it with? Throw it away?
This morning, I opened the fridge to look for something resembling breakfast for Little Man and I, and what do I see? A big container of brown rice, leftover from dinner two nights ago. At that moment, I happen to remember seeing a recipe for Brown Rice Pancakes in my King Arthur Whole Grain Baking cookbook. I was intrigued.
As it just so happened, I had (almost) all the ingredients! :) and per usual, I made lots of substitutions. After all, recipes are more like guidelines than actual rules (Pirates of the Caribbean reference). Here is the actual recipe, with my modest substitutes:
Brown Rice Pancakes by King Arthur Flour
4 eggs
1/4 cup buttermilk (I used homemade yogurt)
2 tablespoons unsalted butter (I used coconut oil)
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 teaspoon grated orange or lemon zest (I used a splash of OJ since I didn't have any citrus on hand)
1 cup cooked brown rice
1/2 cup whole wheat flour
1 tablespoon sugar
1/2 teaspoon salt and ground nutmeg
Pinch of cinnamon
Beat the eggs in a medium bowl and whisk in the buttermilk, melted butter, vanilla, and zest. Stir in brown rice.
Combine the four, sugar, salt, and spices. Stir them into the wet ingredients until just mixed, and let sit for 10 minutes before making the pancakes.
Heat a nonstick griddle if you have one. When the surface of your pan is hot, spoon the batter into the pan, 1/4 cupful at a time. These pancakes set up pretty quickly, but don't really bubble as they cook. As soon as they start to look set, flip them and bake until golden brown. Be sure to check the first pancake you make for salt content; depending on how you've prepared the rice, you may need to adjust the salt in the batter. Serve the pancakes immediately (really good with maple syrup!).
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| Side 1, set up... |
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| Flipped |
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| My kind of breakfast! |
Monday, July 21, 2014
"Listen to your body"
Crazy.
I heard that word described of me more this pregnancy than when I was training for my marathon last year. Why? Because I ran a half marathon at 6 months pregnant.
Then I read these interviews, and feel that I'm pretty normal. :)
http://ubermotherrunner.com/2014/07/07/stephanie-tang-interview/
I love to read blogs and posts of women who remain active throughout their pregnancy. I think this is the best advice any woman can receive while pregnant: "Listen to your body. Also, learn to hydrate and fuel well, as you’ll likely need to pay closer attention during your pregnancy" (http://ubermotherrunner.com/2014/07/07/stephanie-tang-interview/). I wish I had the energy right now to continue running or lift weights, but I can barely keep track of Little Man these days. But, I am so grateful that my body allowed me to 1) run at all this pregnancy, and 2) run 13.1 miles at 25 weeks pregnant. I'm still figuring out how to hydrate and fuel well, even though I'm not running anymore.
I may never be able to run 26.2 continuous miles while pregnant. And that's okay. While I love pushing and testing my physical and mental strength, it is just as important to listen to my body and accept its limitations. So, I will continue to accept my current limitations and not compare myself to other "uber mother runners" who can run ultras while in their third trimester. :)
I heard that word described of me more this pregnancy than when I was training for my marathon last year. Why? Because I ran a half marathon at 6 months pregnant.
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| Marine Corps Historic Half Marathon, May 2014 |
Then I read these interviews, and feel that I'm pretty normal. :)
http://ubermotherrunner.com/2014/07/07/stephanie-tang-interview/
I love to read blogs and posts of women who remain active throughout their pregnancy. I think this is the best advice any woman can receive while pregnant: "Listen to your body. Also, learn to hydrate and fuel well, as you’ll likely need to pay closer attention during your pregnancy" (http://ubermotherrunner.com/2014/07/07/stephanie-tang-interview/). I wish I had the energy right now to continue running or lift weights, but I can barely keep track of Little Man these days. But, I am so grateful that my body allowed me to 1) run at all this pregnancy, and 2) run 13.1 miles at 25 weeks pregnant. I'm still figuring out how to hydrate and fuel well, even though I'm not running anymore.
I may never be able to run 26.2 continuous miles while pregnant. And that's okay. While I love pushing and testing my physical and mental strength, it is just as important to listen to my body and accept its limitations. So, I will continue to accept my current limitations and not compare myself to other "uber mother runners" who can run ultras while in their third trimester. :)
Sunday, July 20, 2014
All grown up, in pictures!
So, remember that one where we moved and I promised pictures? Well, WE HAVE INTERNET AGAIN!!! :) Which means I can share those pictures! :)
Little Man finally has his own bedroom! When I was pregnant with him, everyone kept asking me what his nursery theme was. I told them Space-Saver... as in try to utilize the little space in his room as much as possible! His room consisted of his crib and changing table along with my desk and our DVD collection. It was a small apartment.
Now, he has his very own little space, with all his toys in one space! He still isn't a fan of his new toddler bed, but ya can't blame him. I think the move was pretty traumatic for him, but he is adjusting well.
This living room is the size of our old living room and dining room combined! And yes, those are (mostly) all of Hubby's guitars on the wall. We are still in the process of hanging pictures and figuring out what to do with my sewing and knitting things...
My pride and joy - the kitchen!!! Let me start off by saying, I love to cook. I grew up in the kitchen. So to finally have a kitchen that was not considered an after-thought is just amazing! I have an oven that comes with a timer! The two previous apartments we lived in had ovens that were as old, if not older, than me. And I have never had so many cabinets in my married life! The very first apartment we lived in had 2 cabinets. That's it. When we moved in 2010, we upgraded to 2 full sized cabinets and 2 small ones over the stove. Now, I have FIVE full sized cabinets!!! *superhappydance* I still don't really know what to put in them all.
That's all I got right now. Baby Thunder's room has furniture in it - the crib (which Little Man is currently still sleeping in), the changing table (half filled with Little Man's clothes), and my rocking chair. We still stumble around boxes in our bedroom. But, the essentials are done, which is all I can ask for right now. My energy levels have tanked to an all-time low. I thought this kind of fatigue was only in the first trimester??
When the house is more-done, I promise more pictures. ;)
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| Little Man's room |
Now, he has his very own little space, with all his toys in one space! He still isn't a fan of his new toddler bed, but ya can't blame him. I think the move was pretty traumatic for him, but he is adjusting well.
And last of all...
That's all I got right now. Baby Thunder's room has furniture in it - the crib (which Little Man is currently still sleeping in), the changing table (half filled with Little Man's clothes), and my rocking chair. We still stumble around boxes in our bedroom. But, the essentials are done, which is all I can ask for right now. My energy levels have tanked to an all-time low. I thought this kind of fatigue was only in the first trimester??
When the house is more-done, I promise more pictures. ;)
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