Something about only getting 3 1/2 hours of continuous sleep does weird things for your outlook on life.
Last night was definitely the worst pregnancy-sleep night to date. I was able to sleep soundly from around 10pm until 1:45am. After that, it went downhill. Sleep did not find me until well after 3am, I tossed and turned between 4am and 5am, and I woke up around 6:30 with the sinking realization that I would not be going back to sleep.
Last pregnancy, this night would have crushed my soul. But for some reason, I simply accepted my fate of inevitable fatigue for the day. This is a race simulation training day: If I can handle a 2 year old with errands/doctor's offices during nap/quiet time on 4 hours of sleep, I can survive sleepless nights with an infant.
One thought repeated itself in my head this morning during my shower: "This is the day that the Lord has made; I will rejoice and be glad in it." For today, for right now, I accept that I am still pregnant - and may remain pregnant for several more weeks. And that's okay. That sentiment may change tomorrow. But for today, I will try to rejoice in the day that the Lord has made, trust in His timing, and rely on His daily mercies.
Thank goodness one of those mercies include coffee! :)
Friday, August 22, 2014
Thursday, August 21, 2014
The 5 stages of Full-Term Pregnancy
Hello, Full-Term August! :) That's right. As of today, Baby Thunder has been in utero 38 weeks.
And I am done.
For me, the end of this pregnancy feels similar to the five stages of grief: As I entered weeks 35-37, I was in complete denial (stage 1). The fact that I could go into labor at any time and the doctors wouldn't try to stop it did not motivate me to even consider packing a hospital bag... Despite the fact that I started progressing at 35 weeks! Anger is Stage 2, and I am occasionally reverting back to this stage. Last week, when I found out that I was a lot farther along than I thought (or planned), my OB told me to try and enjoy these last few weeks. Excuse me??!!? I spend half my days exhausted and nauseated and my 2 year old has decided that no matter how tired he is, he just isn't tired enough to go to sleep at nap time. Which means he acts out a whole lot more than usual (more screaming tantrums, blatant disobedience, attempting to hit or kick me, more attempts at deception), and I am not exactly moving in top form these days. Contractions are getting more painful, and I'm easily irritated. Exactly how am I supposed to enjoy this stage??? Stage 3 is bargaining. This is where everyone who has ever been pregnant comes in. "Well, maybe if you walk a lot, the baby will come this weekend!" So I try it, with no results except my rings become uncomfortably tight. Red raspberry leaf tea? I drink a quart of it a day. Yoga? Well, that does help my mood, so I keep at it every Monday morning. :) Stage 4 - depression - is where I find myself most days. To be so close to the end, and yet feel so far away, is very discouraging. Yes, I do feel that I am going to be pregnant f.o.r.e.v.e.r! And nothing seems to help make that nagging, overwhelming suspicion any better.
I'm still waiting to approach Stage 5 - acceptance. This stage is achievable at the end of pregnancy. On June 8, 2012, I sent my mom a text message that said, "I'm convinced - labor is a myth." Cole was born less than 24 hours later. I'm not really sure if or when I will reach this stage, but I will continue to practice my yoga breathing and mindset that this is where my body is right now - and that's okay.
This too shall pass... at some point.
In the mean time, my freezer is fully stocked with everything I think the future, postpartum, nursing Caty could need or want. I've said "farewell until December" to nearly all of my patients. My house is quite clean, the laundry is entirely caught up, and yes, my hospital bag is packed (much to the relief of some of my coworkers). :) Hopefully my OB can convince me tomorrow that the end is indeed within sight. :)
And I am done.
For me, the end of this pregnancy feels similar to the five stages of grief: As I entered weeks 35-37, I was in complete denial (stage 1). The fact that I could go into labor at any time and the doctors wouldn't try to stop it did not motivate me to even consider packing a hospital bag... Despite the fact that I started progressing at 35 weeks! Anger is Stage 2, and I am occasionally reverting back to this stage. Last week, when I found out that I was a lot farther along than I thought (or planned), my OB told me to try and enjoy these last few weeks. Excuse me??!!? I spend half my days exhausted and nauseated and my 2 year old has decided that no matter how tired he is, he just isn't tired enough to go to sleep at nap time. Which means he acts out a whole lot more than usual (more screaming tantrums, blatant disobedience, attempting to hit or kick me, more attempts at deception), and I am not exactly moving in top form these days. Contractions are getting more painful, and I'm easily irritated. Exactly how am I supposed to enjoy this stage??? Stage 3 is bargaining. This is where everyone who has ever been pregnant comes in. "Well, maybe if you walk a lot, the baby will come this weekend!" So I try it, with no results except my rings become uncomfortably tight. Red raspberry leaf tea? I drink a quart of it a day. Yoga? Well, that does help my mood, so I keep at it every Monday morning. :) Stage 4 - depression - is where I find myself most days. To be so close to the end, and yet feel so far away, is very discouraging. Yes, I do feel that I am going to be pregnant f.o.r.e.v.e.r! And nothing seems to help make that nagging, overwhelming suspicion any better.
I'm still waiting to approach Stage 5 - acceptance. This stage is achievable at the end of pregnancy. On June 8, 2012, I sent my mom a text message that said, "I'm convinced - labor is a myth." Cole was born less than 24 hours later. I'm not really sure if or when I will reach this stage, but I will continue to practice my yoga breathing and mindset that this is where my body is right now - and that's okay.
This too shall pass... at some point.
In the mean time, my freezer is fully stocked with everything I think the future, postpartum, nursing Caty could need or want. I've said "farewell until December" to nearly all of my patients. My house is quite clean, the laundry is entirely caught up, and yes, my hospital bag is packed (much to the relief of some of my coworkers). :) Hopefully my OB can convince me tomorrow that the end is indeed within sight. :)
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